“I’m going to be sick . . . ”
There’s generally only two times when ambulance personnel will be seen to move fast. The first is when someone is genuinely life threateningly sick – and there is something we can do about it (especially kids). The second is when someone is about to be sick.
I leapt, Gazelle like, to one side thinking it was inevitable. Noticing he still had another second or two left before eruption I raced into the kitchen to find a receptacle of some sort.
The time between vocal utterance and contact to surface is directly proportional to distance traveled. I calculated over half a second before the huge splash of vomit was heard. That must have been some force, I thought.
Stepping back into the room gingerly I cursed under my breath. The huge voluminous tidal wave of vomit had been projected all over the floor . . . and over my paramedic bag.
Paramedic Rule – #21 – states, ‘no object or possession thereof concerning to the medic or EMT, especially items pertaining to their personal effects, shall be placed within aiming shot from said patient who’s peppering arc shall be measured 90′ and who’s distance from said patient can be measured with simple parabola methods and allowing for a 60′ rise in projection from said patient’s oral cavity’
The patient, wiped his mouth and looked sorry for himself.
“I’m really sorry . . . ”
“That’s ok” I lied.
School boy error.